Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Trying to Stay Positive

I tend to be a negative person, it's not from choice just circumstance. It's true that everyone suffers from their own personal demons, some worse than others. When I find myself going down that path again I try to make jokes or look on the bright side.  My family wouldn't agree with that statement though. All they see is the serious side of me, but I assure you it's there and many others would agree. I also found that work or whatever task your doing works better if you make jokes.
One of my demons if my weight. I remember being a size 10/12 thinking I was fat. Oh, how I wish I could go back in time and Gibb smack myself.  Today in rehearsal I sat on something and it broke. I was told later that it was old, not put together well, etc. It doesn't matter, the damage to my pride and psyche are already done. I wish that I was a more positive person who could have laughed that off. No, I turned my back and cried like a little girl. Ashamed. When I got home I made my family dinner, took more diet pills, and worked out while my muscles screamed and then I cried again.
Tonight, I really wished I was that positive person that I know I can be. I've seen her, I know she exists.  Maybe tomorrow will make be a better day. Maybe what I feel is a huge ordeal is perhaps less than a blimp in other people's minds.