I tend to be a negative person, it's not from choice just circumstance. It's true that everyone suffers from their own personal demons, some worse than others. When I find myself going down that path again I try to make jokes or look on the bright side. My family wouldn't agree with that statement though. All they see is the serious side of me, but I assure you it's there and many others would agree. I also found that work or whatever task your doing works better if you make jokes.
One of my demons if my weight. I remember being a size 10/12 thinking I was fat. Oh, how I wish I could go back I time and Gibb smack myself. Today in rehearsal I sat on something and it broke. I was told later that it was old, not put together well, etc. It doesn't matter, the damage to my pride and psyche are already done. I wish that I was a more positive person who could have laughed that off. No, I turned my back and cried like a little girl. Ashamed. When I got home I made my family dinner, took more diet pills, and worked out will my muscles screamed and then I cried again.
Tonight, I really wished I was that positive person that I know I can be. I've seen her, I know she exists. Maybe tomorrow will make be a better day. Maybe what I feel is a huge ordeal is perhaps less than a blimp in other people's minds.
Sunday, June 4, 2017
A new vow for our 13 years of marriage. I recommit myself to God, to you and to our marriage. I ask your forgiveness for the wrongs I have committed and I promise to do my best never to repeat them. I will strive to be the one who wipes away your tears and not the one who causes them. I freely forgive you for any wrongs you have committed and I promise to let go of any past hurts and unresolved anger I’ve carried so that our relationship can move forward with renewed grace and healing.I promise to always see the best in you and to strive to become the best spouse I can possibly be. I vow to be your partner, your biggest fan and your best friend no matter what life throws our way. I commit to creating new memories together that will be filled with joy and laughter.I am imperfect, I know I will make mistakes, but when I do, I promise to admit it openly, to take full responsibility and to humbly seek your forgiveness. I wholeheartedly recommit my love and my life to you, ’til death do us part!